Kristen Stewart Twilight

Since it’s crazy slow around here today, and since the Oscars are coming on Sunday, let’s do a little preview of the showbiz’s biggest night. So far, the Oscar presenter list is sounding good, with the following stars confirming: Gerard Butler, Jake Gyllenhaal, Miley Cyrus, Kristen Stewart, Bradley Cooper, Jason Bateman, Tom Ford, Robert Downey Jr, Queen Latifah, Matt Damon, Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta, Chris Pine, Keanu Reeves, Charlize Theron, Jeff Bridges, Sandra Bullock, Barbra Streisand, Kathy Bates, Ryan Reynolds, Tina Fey, Steve Carrell, Quentin Tarantino, Ben Stiller, Zac Efron, Kate Winslet, Penelope Cruz, Channing Tatum. Sam Worthington and Sean Penn. Hmm… that’s some good man meat, but there’s still no Jude Law, Clive Owen or George Clooney (who is nominated), but it still sounds like there will be enough beefcake to ogle to my heart’s content.

As far as the actual nomination and my guesses for the winners, I’m only to talk about the big six. Most are pretty much shoo-ins, but I’ll list them anyway:

Best Supporting Actress: I think Mo’Nique has it sewn up, but there’s always one upset in the acting categories, and this year, there’s a slight possibility it could be in this category. Mo’Nique is up again Vera Farmiga, Anna Kendrick, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Penelope Cruz – and I don’t really have a second choice, honestly. I think it’s going to Mo’Nique.

Best Supporting Actor: I would only be shocked if Christoph Waltz did not win. He was creepy and terrifying and hilarious and insane in Inglourious Basterds, and I think it’s cool that this obscure Austrian actor is sweeping every award. He’s up against Matt Damon, Woody Harrelson, Stanley Tucci and Chrisopher Plummer. My guess is that if this category is the “surprise” it would be for Plummer, as some kind of lifetime-achievement Oscar.

Best Actress: Call me crazy, but I’m not positive Sandra Bullock has this one wrapped up. Her chances are very good to take home her first Oscar, but I think there’s a 1-in-4 chance Meryl Streep could get some love. Carey Mulligan, Helen Mirren and Gaby Sidibe are also nominated, but I don’t think any of them really has a chance.

Best Actor: Jeff Bridges. He’s got it. The only other one, maybe, who has like a 1-in-20 shot is Colin Firth. But it’s going to be Jeff Bridges.

Best Director: I really think the Academy is going to recognize the first woman ever in this category, Kathryn Bigelow for The Hurt Locker. Not only did she do so much with such a small budget, but the Academy likes recognizing “the first…” And this year, Bigelow is the first woman to be the frontrunner for Director!

Best Picture: I think Avatar will win the big one, but The Hurt Locker has a good shot too. I would be happy with either. I think it’s 50-50.

Now, just for fun, I’d like to list some things that don’t go on conventional “Oscar Preview” lists. Here‘s what I‘m expecting for Sunday:

*The red carpet is going to be crazy boring. Very few of the big fashion girls (Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard, Kate Hudson) are coming out and I’m expecting a sea of “safe” looks.

*Lots of dumb Avatar jokes. One of the worst things about a big movie that everyone has seen is that it becomes the reoccurring butt of jokes throughout the night. At some point, Steve Martin and/or Alec Baldwin will be blue, I’m sure.

*Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will be funny and witty and debonair as Oscar hosts, but the ratings will still go down. This is because the majority of Americans don’t seem to care for funny and witty and debonair.

*Jeff Bridges will make me cry at some point, probably when he’s thanking his wife of 27 years.

*Mo’Nique will make me cry at some point, probably when she shows off her hairy legs.

*Christoph Waltz will accept his award by reciting some cryptic, strange half-poetry mantra-like speech.

*I’m hoping that Meryl will get a lot of face time, especially with Alec and Steve as hosts. I hope she’s sitting up front, and I hope the camera is on her a lot. I love Meryl.

*I will probably be too drunk to remember who won Best Picture.