Kristen Stewart Twilight

Parrish Maguire Parades Horny Thighs

Last time we checked in on Parrish Maguire, the good-lookin’ babe was getting set up on fake dates with available female celebs, and the dude didn’t mind in the least!

Parrish, as we’ve said before, is quite unlike the most famous closeted Hollywood man of them all, Toothy Tile, who hates that he has to trot women around in order to sell tickets.

That’s no problem for adorable Parrish, who’d probably sell his soul to the Hollywood devil for even a bit more fame—only problem being, not sure the designing star has a soul. Hard to tell.

Especially with P.M. pulling stuff like this:

Attending a number of private Hollywood parties, with boyfriend in tow (the one he’s had since before Parrish shot to matinee celebu-fame), and hitting on other guys! No wonder that BF of Parrish’s looks like a Ken doll caught in headlights. If that’s the crap Maguire’s pulling on his man in public, can you imagine the emotional abuse the boyfriend’s having to put up with behind closed doors?

But let’s get one thing clear here: There is nothing overt about what Parrish is doing with these men at various soirees; a gay Tiger Woods, he’s not. Nope, what gets Parrish’s flirt on is literally rubbing up against good-looking guys with his (rather nice) legs, arms and—oftentimes—just his hungry eyes. It’s all really kind of Crescent Kumquat kind of stuff; remember the guy who just liked to spoon with guys in bed, rather than actually screw them? Yeah, that’s the one.

Isn’t it interesting P.M., who’s privately never made it a secret he’s gay, is now taking the next step of getting his homo on in quasi-public places?

And the Crescent analogy isn’t exactly such a bad one, as—of course—now Crescent’s doing much more than spooning with those guys he formerly just got sleepy-cozy with.

Does this mean Parrish is actually getting closer to coming out?

We say no.

And this is why the Tiger analogy is actually a better one. Parrish’s recent party-lusty behavior is just another example of a guy who’s used to getting away with stuff and thinks that’ll go on forever.

Not so sure about that.

And it ain’t: Nick Jonas, Robert Pattinson, Justin Bieber
Previously excluded: Channing Tatum, Chris Pine, Justin Timberlake, Liam Hemsworth, Ryan Kwanten, Ryan Reynolds, Sebastian Stan and Taylor Lautner.

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Nevis Divine, his ex-boyfriend and his beard reappeared in last week’s Blind Vice. In a b**ch-Back, Ted asserted that Nevis is bisexual, saying “Many DL stars have their lady around to cover their secret, but others are a little more open to some bearded lovin.’” Nevis’ beard is “doing quite well for herself and, unlike most beard situations, she’s actually getting some from her stud muffin. The two are definitely still into each other—it’s just who N.D. is into more.”

Marky Sweet-Puss and Cruella St. Shackles aren’t David and Courtney Cox-Arquette (“Cruella doesn’t have the knack for comedy that Court does (not at all).”)

Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off are still not Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen (“Giselle’s got Secretia beat it the beauty department—’tho, only by a bit. Plus, Tom Brady and wife have a kid, which Secretia and Chester totally don’t have time for.”) Dixie Chick Natalie Maines and her husband Adrian Pasdar are “not even close. Bigger leagues, by far.” Secretia is not Rebecca Gayheart (“No, but way to think out of the usual Hollywood box!”)

Nelly Fang “often prefers guys much older than” 30-years-old.

Henrietta Hard-Ball is neither Nancy Pelosi nor Gretchen Carlson (“Henrietta’s not that slick. Far from it.”)

Although he’s not as deep in the closet as Toothy, Ted doesn’t see Judas Jack-Off coming out anytime soon.

Sarah Michelle Gellar, David Boreanaz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Bradley Cooper, “a country singer,” Britney Spears “before [her] every breath was reported by the paps” and Jensen Ackles have all been the subject of a Blind Vice. SMG’s “involves marital accords” and “is an oldie but goodie. And it’s not that bad of one, by the by.” David Boreanaz has only appeared as one BV and it involves “anything but marital accords” and is “far yuckier.” However, it doesn’t involve Emily Deschanel or his alleged foot fetish. A few months back, Ted implied that it was related to his temper. DiCaprio’s Blind Vice was “ages ago.”

Channing Tatum has not been the subject of a BV (“you used to be a stripper. Give a goss columnist something interesting to work with.”) Neither have Jennie Garth and Peter Facinelli (“Everyone has secrets. But they aren’t hidden here”) nor Genevieve Cortese (“though I hear she’d love to be.”) The jury is out on Mo’Nique, Mark Ruffalo and Sean Hayes.

Obligatory Toothy Tile mention: aside from being deeper in the closet than my 9th grade homecoming dress, Toothy’s boyfriend Grey Goose “will wait for his man until he’s old and stuffed, hence, his name” in the event that he never publicly comes out. Ted dodged a guess about Tom Cruise (who was excluded a long time ago) by pretending to think it was about Tom Hanks, commenting “Interesting, but way off.”

Scorecard:

-Toothy Tile isn’t 50 Cent, Aaron Eckhart, Adam Brody, Adrian Grenier, Adrien Brody, Alexander Skarsgård, All 3 Jonas Brothers, Anderson Cooper, Andy d**k, Ashton Kutcher, Ben Affleck, Ben Mackenzie, Bill Clinton, Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt, Brandon Davis, Brian Austin Green, Carrot Top, Casey Affleck, Chace Crawford, Chad Michael Murray, Channing Tatum, Chris Evans, Chris Klein, Chris Pine, Christian Bale, Clay Aiken, Colin Farrell, Dane Cook, Daniel Craig, Danny Bonaduce, David Duchovny, David Hyde Pierce, David Schwimmer, David Spade, Denzel Washington, Derek Jeter, d**k Cheney, Don Cheadle, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Eddie Murphy, Elijah Wood, Emile Hirsch, Eric Balfour, Gael García Bernal, George Clooney, George Eads, Gerard Butler, Haley Joel Osment, Harrison Ford, Harry Hamlin, Hayden Christensen, Heath Ledger, Hillary Clinton, Homer Simpson, Hugh Jackman, Isaiah Washington, James Franco, James Marsden, Jamie Foxx, Jared Leto, Jared Padalecki, Jason Lee, Jason Statham, Javier Bardem, Jennifer Garner, Jeremy Piven, Jesse Metacalfe, Jim Carrey, Joaquin Phoenix, Joel McHale, John C. Reilly, John Krasinski, John Stamos, John Travolta, Josh Brolin, Josh Duhamel, Josh Hartnett, Josh Lucas, Julian McMahon, Justin Timberlake, Keanu Reeves, Kellan Lutz, Kenny Chesney, Kevin Spacey, Kiefer Sutherland, Lance Bass, Leonardo DiCaprio, Liev Schrieber, Luke Wilson, Mario Lopez, Mark Ruffalo, Mark Wahlberg, Matt Damon, Matt Dillon, Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Broderick, Matthew McConaughey, Matthew Perry, Michael Angarano, Michael Vartan, Mike Myers, Milo Ventimiglia, Neil Patrick Harris, Nikki Reed, Orlando Bloom, Owen Wilson, Peter Facinelli, Queen Latifah, Ricky Martin, Rob Thomas, Robert Buckley, Robert Pattinson, Ronaldo, Ryan Cabrera, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Scott Speedman, Sean Penn, Sean William Scott, Seth Green, Shane West, Shemar Moore, Shia LeBeouf, Spencer Pratt, Steven Weber, T.R. Knight, Taylor Lautner, Ted Danson, Tobey Maguire, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Tom Welling, Topher Grace, Usher, Val Kilmer, Viggo Mortensen, Vin Diesel, Vince Vaughn, Wentworth Miller, Will Smith, Wilmer Valderama, Zac Efron, Zach Braff, or Zachary Quinto. Grey Goose is not Anderson Cooper, Chris Pine, George Clooney, Jenny McCarthy, Jensen Ackles, Josh Duhamel, Joshua Jackson, Kevin Spacey, Luke McFarlane, Mario Lopez, Matt Dillon, Mel Gibson, Peter Sarsgaard, Rodrigo Santoro, Ryan Gosling, Stephen Moyer, Tom Cruise, Victor Garber or Zachary Quinto.

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Quoth Milhouse van Houten: “SPRING BREEAAAAAAAAK!”

Posted on Friday, March 12th, 2010 in Photos, rssmi 2 Photos